SixString on Film Trends

   Today I have decided to talk about recent trends in film that have really gotten up my arse, er … nose. SHUT UP I’M NOT GAY! Anyway, after watching some old favourite films of mine from various eras I couldn’t help but notice some rather glaring trends. For example, have you ever noticed that the villains in various films from the 70’s and 80’s, most notably Bond films, are either Russian or some form of dastardly evil super-villain in miniature form (and commonly both) however while presumably the latter is just to see how long the current Bond can keep a straight face, the former is actually on the point I’m talking about which is that villains in films tend to reflect very directly the current affairs of that particular country. So the reason the villains from the 70’s and 80’s are Russian is because of the trouble we had with those pesky rascals. It seems to be some kind of confusing propaganda aimed at the couch potatoes of the world which seems to me rather pointless because, as advertised in the name ‘couch’-potato, they won’t bloody move anyway. This brings me almost neatly onto the end of this over elongated point (har de bloody har that’s what she said etc now if we can be mature for longer than two seconds). Films, particularly American films today tend to show Islamic terrorists or the general Middle-East as villains and this really irks me because in my opinion you in particular America would be well-advised to not depict the people of the Middle-East as monsters as it really doesn’t help with international relations now does it? At this point I would like to say that I harbour no particular grudge against America or its people just in case this does go viral and you people start threatening to shoot me with your boomstick.

   Another trend in film that has annoyed me enough for me to see fit to unleash my mighty keyboard of wrath upon it is 3-D. Yes, 3-D, the holy grail of immersive movies. Or at least it would be if it actually worked. I not so recently saw Clash of the Titans in 3-D and if I may say so from what I can remember the 3-D pretty much looked no different to the 2-D and I was to immersed as a submarine is to intercontinental flights (yes that comparison went downhill, try not to think about it). In fact I can honestly say the film was better once I took the 3-D glasses off despite the fuzzy screen giving me a headache strong enough to blow every part of my brain and its dog through my left nostril with every throb. But maybe this isn’t entirely the fault of the 3-D which brings me about as neatly as possible to my next point.

   Story-telling in films seems not so much to have gone downhill as gleefully jumped off a cliff like it had the self-preservation instincts of a drunken lemming on a mixture of LSD and failure. Whereas storylines of the past were fed to you with a silver spoon from a golden platter of deliciousness (yes I was very hungry at the time of writing thanks for asking) todays storylines feel more like they are being drip fed into you via a rusty needle from a mixture of blended excrement, sweaty gym socks and used condoms. That is to say, BADLY. Of course it isn’t fair to tar all films with the same brush so this entry to my online journal (I refuse to call it a blog because blog sounds like a particularly bad monster from Doctor Who and oh shit I’ve lost my train of thought)… WAIT ITS BACK! This entry to my online journal isn’t meant to declare to the world that I am a vacuous black hole of perpetual despair; I’ll wait a couple more posts when you’re all comfortable with me to do that. No, it’s just meant to say that I think the film industry has slipped in its quality of movie making, but that isn’t funny so I’ll just focus on ripping on the shortcomings. In conclusion, generic closing comment.