SixString on Splinter Cell: Conviction

   Splinter Cell: Conviction is the latest money-spinner in the long, long Splinter Cell series and, once again the front of the box is generously splattered by the name Tom Clancy; which confuses me because he has about as much to do with the games as a penis does to a bagel in that the vague idea is present but very little else.
   I suppose the first and most noticeable thing about Conviction is it's main character, Sam Fisher. He seems to have become several times more bad-ass in the last four years, talking in a spectacularly gravelly voice I could only attribute to several years (four in fact) of smoking large quantities of stone-ground tobacco with the stones left in. Speaking of big character changes, since when did Sam Fisher splice his DNA with a spider-monkey? He can climb up literally any wall that has even the smallest handhold - but for some reason not up particularly high pavements - and hold the position indefinitely. It's like he has the robo-grip of Ellen and the stamina of Don Juan.

   The story is actually OK for a Splinter Cell game but the main problem I have with it is it needn't be there in the first place. At the start of the game Sam is pursued by soldiers sent by the main villain. This wouldn't be such a problem but the fact that soldiers were sent after him was the only reason that he got involved. This makes the villain the worst bad guy ever. Tip number one, NEVER BRING IN SUPER BAD-ASS HEROES IF YOU CAN HELP IT.

Yeeaaahh...

   Speaking of stupid bad guys, the AI in this game could be somewhat improved. The only time I've had so many guys run straight past me was in that one bar my friend took me to ... I'm really not. But really, this is one of the most wealthy places in the world and they couldn't afford soldiers that had even one gorm. I was disappointed because the game was boasted to have very clever AI. Personally, I prefer consistent AI that doesn't spend half it's time condemning me to failure by executing a perfect pincer manoeuvre only to lose track of me as soon as I jump up onto the nearest overhead pole.
   Which is another gripe I have with Conviction. Sam Fisher seems to have some serious disease which stops him from jumping unless there is pole directly overhead. This can be a big problem when Sam decides he can't get up a small ledge which could be easily traversed by a elderly sloth. Honestly, what with all the athleticism Fisher displays combined with a distinct abundance of free buttons on the controller a jump button would have been quite useful.
   The main aspect of any Splinter Cell games is of course the stealth, and Conviction certainly doesn't disappoint. Despite the somewhat inconsistent AI, stealth is actually made very fun and I feel like a true bad-ass stalking a guy for ages before taking him and his friends out before they know what hit them. A particularly successful ambush for me went as follows:
   Using tactics such as shooting bullets just past the head of the enemy and making noises near them I lured five guys into one room. I hid on a rafter in said room. I marked two of them then quickly shot two of them dead before dropping down and snapping the neck of the third guy. By doing a hand-to-hand kill I unlocked the "Mark and Execute" feature which basically lets you insta-kill all marked enemies in range. I used this to full effect here and left the room silently. Another equally fun version of that ambush had me fill the room with explosives, shut the guys in the room then detonate the bombs while walking away slowly because cool guys don't look at explosions, they blow stuff up and then they walk away.
   Overall, I really quite liked this game because, although it is filled with obvious holes and there is a lot wrong with it it is still one of the best stealth games out there. Mostly because it doesn't fail you the first time you get seen like you're some kind of rabbit caught in the headlights. The headlights being several flashing guns.