Wow, you've got a very clean inbox!

Well friends, it's finally here. Proof that even Microsoft is getting sick of it's customers having no lives.

"What," I hear you exclaim, "Microsoft denying itself the opportunity to line it's pockets with my money? Impossible!" (Yes I know this is a free service but... shut up.)

Well to you sirs I say nay. You see, recently when I logged on to check my e-mails I was surprised to find this message greeting me.

If you can't read the writing I'm very sorry (and I mean that sincerely). Also, OPEN YOUR F***ING EYES, phew, I needed that fix.

Anyway, I can't help but think that this is not very subtle hint that you have no friends and should probably go out and get some. It seems very patronising, like it's talking to the mentally challenged son of a particularly stupid monkey or perhaps Wayne Rooney. Also, it feels like it's trying to be very passive-aggressive, like your mother walking into your veritable Batcave of a bedroom, drawing open the curtains and, as your skin sizzles in the glow of the natural light, telling you that, "Maybe you should go out and get some fresh air, dear."

What's that Microsoft? Are you saying that even you are bored with my constant presence? Tell me I have no friends, will you? Make me out to be the cynical misanthrope dare thee? Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it. I thought what we had was special, Microsoft. DON'T ABANDON ME!

But I have a very cunning plan to battle this my friends, I created a secondary account and sent an e-mail to myself. HA, who has no life now Microsoft? Yeah, that'll learn ya.