In my years as an advisor to various villainous overlords I have gleaned many tips from their failures. Not to say that it was my fault they failed, of course, it was their decision to ignore me. Anyway I have compiled the five worst mistakes committed by villains and villainesses (we believe in equality here in Evilocorp.)
5. NEVER bring heroes to attention of your plans.
Seriously, this may sound obvious, but never tell known heroes your plans for world domination. If they know then you have practically no chance of winning. You should know better by now and yes I'm looking at you Final Fantasy.
As side note, I've recently heard some retard of a corporation actually attacked a well-known bad-ass and brought him into knowledge of their plans even though he didn't know anything about it to begin with.
4. Employ your own architect.
The forth worst mistake I see by wannabe overlords is making their evil lair far too easy to enter. It seems like Dracula just threw random staircases around and added dead-ends and rooms that went nowhere at all for kicks. This was very confusing which would be good and work in the Counts favour had he actually needed it. Seriously, if you don't need staircases to reach your lair then don't put them in. You can fly for crying out loud. Remember, if your enemy can't reach your fortress, your enemy can't kill your ass...tress.
3. Remember, you get what you pay for.
If you pay jack for your guards then don't expect them to be the brightest candles on the stand. Honestly, I've seen Disney cartoons smarter than some of the guards employed by overlords. In what universe is it considered a good idea to take cover behind barrels filled with high explosive. And how much intelligence does it take to realise that the guy your standing next to -you know, the one with the bar code on his head- probably wasn't employed by your faithful leader. It's like they've been pulled straight from the Big Brother house.
2. Cut out the middle-man.
If your can just head off and kill the fledgling hero before he gets too strong early, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble. Alternatively, if doing it yourself just isn't an option, don't for Gods sake send small waves of enemies at regular intervals, each at an appropriate level to the hero. Send an army of a thousand, two if possible, to completely obliterate your enemy. This brings me on to...
1. Never leave business unfinished.
This is it. The number one mistake I've seen made by villainous peoples. Don't throw your enemy out of a plane or off a bridge. Just don't do it. Don't take it for granted that your enemy is dead because nine times out of ten this WILL come back and bite you in the ass. Even if you've put a bullet into the head off him or her, check they are dead first. Put another few bullets in. Check for a pulse. Anything. Just make sure he is bloody well good and dead before advancing in your plans.
Well there you have it. My top five hints for becoming a successful supervillain. Go forth and slaughter innocents like never before!
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